Sunday, 15 March 2015

Pretty Sparkly things

So this one's been kicking around in my head for a few days, and I haven't been sure how to get it out.

I was in a shoe store with my 4 year old son looking for a pair of summer flats. Couldn't find anything I liked, but that's totally besides the point.
We went to the kids section, because he will be needing summer shoes soon. The first thing I noticed was the lack of boys selection.
Turns out that doesn't matter, cause the ones he was drawn to were flowery or pink or sparkly. Girl shoes.

This is where I completely disappointed myself.

He loved the pretty shoes. I also thought all of the shoes were pretty. I found myself, while mentally berating myself, holding up the two pairs of boy shoes. Which I then put back on the shelf, took his hand, and left.

I have two boys. My oldest is the sweetest, most sensitive child you have ever known. I've worked hard to build his confidence because I know how easily he hurts. His best friends are always girls. He loves for things to be beautiful. But he also likes his clothes to be "boys" clothes. I found myself relieved at that because I figured there's at least one thing he wont be teased about.
So when my 4yo held up a pair of pretty "girl" shoes, I panicked.
Not because I'm against pretty things. Not because I afraid how he'll turn out.

Because I'm afraid of him getting hurt.

 I work hard to make sure my boys are confident and secure in who they are. If they're happy in their clothes, I'm happy.
One kid wears his shirts backward because that's how he likes them. One wanted Vampire Red hair. Off I went to pick up dye. I did my own at the same time. They both rock their style!
But there I stood, paralyzed by my sweet boy who wanted "pretty" shoes.

I am extremely disappointed in myself.

I know my boys need to be confident in themselves. And I know there are choices and battles that need to be all their own.

So next payday I will bring my sweet little boy shoe shopping.
I will let him pick his own shoes (as long as they're practical)
I will not cringe if he chooses pretty runners.

And I will accept that I'm not a perfect human. I'm a mom.

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